I don’t even know if I can admit to watching it.
It is about 1:30 in the morning and Issa is going surfing in the morning. On his way to bed, about an hour ago, he asked me for his rash guard and board shorts–well, I didn’t realize that he hadn’t given them to me after last weekend of surfing (I am only one woman, you know!)…and so they STINK! There is no way I could let him wear the icky ones that hadn’t been washed so I waited for the last load to be done in the washer and then put them in. Of course, that means that I have to wait for the clothes in the dryer to be done so I can put his stuff in…
So I am sitting here completely tuned out and just kind of clicking around on the internet trying to stay awake when I realized that I was really watching this show that was on HBO–albeit passively. It kind of sucked me in, you know…it was like one minute I wasn’t watching it and barely awake…and the next minute, I was consumed and barely breathing.
Ok, I know that this is a huge lead in just to say that I am HOOKED. I think the show is an hour long…it’s like the Sopranos or Big Love or something…it seemed a whole lot longer…
It’s about three couples who–to quote the HBO website, takes “an unfiltered look at three couples as they navigate critical periods in their lives”. I couldn’t have put it better myself–and so I didn’t.
OH MY GOSH. Honestly. I am really speechless.
Now, I realize that anyone who is reading this probably hasn’t seen the show–and frankly I think that for most of the people close to me it might be a little too “gritty”…one of the central themes is the complexity of sex and intimacy in a relationship….Here’s a quote from the website:
“Capturing both the awkwardness and closeness of each couple, Mort opens a window into the complexities of modern relationships. Thought-provoking, raw and immediate, ‘Tell Me You Love Me’ teases out the unspoken dreams, hang-ups and fears that materialize when sex and intimacy connect – or when they diverge. ”
Needless to say, there is a lot of nudity and strong language..but the thing is–you feel…YOU FEEL.
Watching this show is like being the proverbial fly on the wall. You know that fantasy that you can make yourself invisible?? The one where you could walk into the room and nobody could see you…you could hear people talking and see people walking around…and they went on about their lives and you could watch their every move. It was like the characters were living…not acting….like you were watching their lives for an hour.
Let me give you two examples:
One of the couples, Carolyn and Palek, are in their mid-thirties and trying to conceive. They have been trying unsuccessfully for a year and it is clearly taking its toll on them. Palek suggests that they go to a friends house for a gathering and Carolyn agrees–clearly not wanting to go but understanding that it was important to him. At the friends house, during the evening it is revealed that one of the couples is pregnant for the third time…Palek blurts out that they had been trying too, no success, but they had both been to the doctor and checked out fine and that his sperm count is normal…I got chills–OH MY GOSH…I felt the same heaviness that Carolyn must have felt…the sense of falling through the furniture, having that aired out in the open–to people who wouldn’t understand. The next scene shows them returning to their house. She is mad and he is trying to convince her that it was no big deal. She won’t have it and so he storms out of the room and she regrets being so cold…
Carolyn follows him in the other room and tries to convince him not to be mad at her…he is staring at his laptop and she asks him not to tune out–he tells her to leave him alone. She clearly feels badly for acting the way she did possibly recognizing that she was being a little self-indulgent in her anger and she tries to kiss him but he pulls away, angry. She keeps going and he keeps refusing–irritated–and its clear she’s not certain if he’s serious or not and at the point when she feels like she wants to give up on trying to get him to forgive her…he meets her kiss and there is an intense and angry “intimate” scene where it seems that both of them realize that they aren’t truly angry at each other but at their situation…and they take it out on each other. Riveting is really the only way I can describe the unspoken subtext of this interaction.
The second example is the couple in their forties, Katie and Dave, who on their 12th anniversary find themselves having not had sex in over a year…
It’s complicated, but long story short, their young daughter helps Dave pick a gift for Katie–her selection?? A lace purple corset/lingerie set. Later that evening, the couple is at dinner with their young children when the daughter insists that her mother open the gift while they are eating. In the middle of the restaurant, she unwraps the highly personal gift and there is a moment where she realizes what it is and it seems that she also–in that same moment–realizes that the simple fact that she was given the gift in such an impersonal circumstance, meant that Dave had never actually pictured her wearing it…or did he?
Later that evening they share an intensely uncomfortable moment. After a cold, awkward kiss she tells him she is going to go take a shower and when she returns from the shower he wants to show her something “cool” on the TiVo she bought him for their anniversary. Out of nowhere, he turns to her and says “I love you, Kate.” and she looks at him for a moment and then says “But what?” Dave opens his mouth slowly as if to say something…and thinks better of it…she repeats the question…but he just stares at her, and she just stares at him…and you can physically feel the pain between them–WHAT is going ON!? You wonder–ANSWER THE QUESTION, DAVE!! BUT WHAT!?!
It’s too late though, she is already walking out the door with her book…
HEARTWRENCHING!
Anyways, if you get around to watching an episode of it…you might like it. It’s pretty intense. I can’t wait for the next episode…I could relate to so many nuances throughout and it gave me a sense of normalcy…for anyone in a relationship, I suggest watching with an open mind…who knows?? The therapist who helps the three couples in the show just might help you too!!
