Now, don’t get me wrong–I am not trying to be one of those self-pitying, over-burdened, self-indulgent disgruntled siblings…and in fact, if that was what I was trying to do, I wouldn’t be very successful because this article I found hardly supports that position….but, nevertheless, it is an importnt reaffirmation of what I (and social psychologists) have always known. My little brother had it easy.
So, ok-aside from this article proving my point, it is also my opinion that you, “Can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.” (a la Dr. Phil) and knowing that parents have a tendency to do these things (while seemingly beneficial on the whole) *might* be important to understand so that you can take it under consideration when your oldest stomps off screaming “THAT’S NOT FAIR!”….it might not be…
Click here to read the story in its entirity, here are the highlights:
Now, a new study has confirmed what first-borns…have always suspected: The oldest kid in the family really does bear the brunt of parental strictness, while the younger brothers and sisters generally coast on through.
“The folklore is that parents punish the older child more than the younger ones,” says Lingxin Hao, a sociology professor at Johns Hopkins University and an author of the study, published in the latest issue of the Economic Journal. “But it isn’t just folklore — this is a national pattern.”
First-borns who dropped out of school were 20 percent less likely to be getting most of their annual income from their parents than younger siblings in the same situation, Hao and her team found after reviewing annual surveys, involving more than 7,000 kids each year, conducted from 1979 to 1994 by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics.
(Along with other stats showing that first borns were less likely to get pregnant as teens)
It’s all for the sake of setting an example, a refrain first-borns know all too well. By punishing the oldest kid more severely, Hotz says, parents are hoping to essentially scare the younger brothers and sisters straight, keeping them from making a similar mistake.
That stricter parenting style often shapes the first-born kid into a play-by-the rules perfectionist, so parents tend to rely more on their oldest child than the younger kids, says Kevin Leman, a Tucson, Ariz., psychologist and author of “The Birth Order Book.”
“When a job needs to get done, it’s the habit of the parent to call on the first-born, because they’re the most reliable and conscientious,” Leman says. But it’s no accident that the oldest has become a responsible wonder child; it’s the parenting strategy that made them that way.
(Furthermore)
Younger siblings, the researchers found, really are more likely to take more risks than the oldest kid in the family. In the data Hao and her team reviewed, younger siblings were especially more likely to drop out of school — and get financial support from their parents.
When it comes to parenting the first-born, there’s always a set of younger eyes watching the parents’ every move. But with the youngest, nobody younger is watching the consequences play out, making it harder for parents to stick to all that “tough love” talk. For the youngest kids who get into trouble, “parents are more likely to go in and bail them out,” says Hotz.
By the time the second and third kids come around, many parents lighten up, and realize that they probably overreacted a little with setting rules for their first kid, Leman says. “The first-born’s a guinea pig; we practice on ‘em,” he says. “Once the other kids come in, we lighten up. Or exhaustion takes over.”
