Something has been weighing heavily on me. I have had such horrible anxiety about this something for days and days and yet I couldn’t bring myself to overcome my panic with simply doing the thing that terrified me. Now, I won’t tell you what the thing is…only that tonight I reached that point where I decided that the thing that freaked me out so badly simply wasn’t going to kill me and, short of death or torture, I reasoned it really wouldn’t do me any harm. The fact is, it simply felt bad.
I don’t know. I don’t know why I couldn’t face it. There were so many reasons. One of which was that I knew that facing this issue wouldn’t make it better…wouldn’t make it go away…it would just put a temporary bandage on it.
I know this is cryptic. I guess it’s just my confession and my comfort to other people who are avoiding something they don’t want to face because they are anxious or scared.
Someday I know I will look back on this and think about how small it was. But, for tonight…it really freaked me out. It is done and over. It is all ok. Nothing anyone needs to worry about as far as I am concerned…
I guess that is it tonight.
Love,
Me
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